So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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