your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
