she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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