just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
