i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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