I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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