Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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