$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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