ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
