I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
