I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
