I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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