I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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