I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize