you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
