my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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