i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
