I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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