he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
