hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
