New low: just hacked my moms facebook
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
His hands were made for my vagina.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
