we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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