what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
vagina is talking i cant
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
