just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
