No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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