I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
