i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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