Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
