I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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