Sry I called you an 8
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
