mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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