Yo dont text me then not text me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
