Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
