we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I love having hate sex.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
