She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
