theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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