So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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