just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
