U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
