I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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