After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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