we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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