I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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