i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
