can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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