found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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