Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
