too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
