Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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