What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
