sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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