At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
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Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize