Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
