You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
