he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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