She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
