Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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