the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
