i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
