these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
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After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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