I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
