I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
