How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
