my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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